Spice up your virtual meetings by inviting along a Goat!

 

Corona virus. The only logical reaction - hire a goat for all your important video calls. Will anyone even notice if a scape-goat joins the meeting?

 

For the bargain price of £5 - all currencies and countries accepted - you can choose one of our goats to join you for the first 10 minutes of your video call meeting. All video platforms accepted - just send us the link to join. 

 

All proceeds go towards our bulk buying of loo roll.* 

Choose a Goat for your call!

Mary

Mary has had it with the Mum life and has taken the approach of letting her kid, the Sassy Simone, do whatever she wants. This includes Simone jumping on her back. Kids today have no respect.

What to expect from Mary:

- Ambivalence

- limited attention span

- Totally fine peeing in front of you

Lisa

Lisa is heavily pregnant and could drop at any moment - maybe even during your zoom call. She's constantly hungry, angry and demanding.

What to expect from Lisa:

- Passive aggressive bleating

- Ferocious hunger

- Lack of any form of patience or tolerance of anything

*UPDATE* there are two new arrivals in Lisa's pen... they have mellowed this cranky goat who is now a doting new Mum

Elizabeth

Elizabeth, always keeping it classy. Pregnant with twins, Elizabeth is glowing with good health. She shares a pen with her evil twin, who will not be named as said evil twin jumped the farm boundry fence into the neighbouring kitchen gardens and devoured all the cauliflowers. Elizabeth is the good twin, who will curiously look on while listening intently to you.

What to expect from Elizabeth:

- Impeccable video call etiquette

- On point glossy coat

- Good posture

- A sense of moral duty

Brett

Bret is that guy from the gym who works more on his snapchat pics than his weights. His neck is wider than his vocabulary, not suprising, as he is a Goat. He lives in the lad pad with his three mates Terrance, Clive and Rohan.

What to expect from Bret:

- All the energy

- All the opinions

- None of the substance

Terrance

Terrance is a sweet young man who just wants the quite life. He has to live in the lad pad with the other boys and tolerates their company.

What to expect from Terrance:

- A genuine desire for chin scratches

- A deep interest in what you have to say

- Impressive performer in Harry Potter quizzes

- Soft velvety ears

Simone

Sassy dancing princess, 1 month old Simone lives with Mum, Mary, and enjoys Parkour, floor gymnastics and kiss chase.

What to expect from Simone:

- Epic dance moves

- Original Parkour skills including the 'Mum jump and balance'

- Occasional bouts of shiness

 

Extra goats below with additional  availability an Wednesdays and Sundays!

Shakin' Susan

Shakin' Suze has had a tough old year. She caught her horn on the fence in 2019 while out in the field and snapped it. She had to go to the vets to have a jab of the good stuff (thus the shaking) and have her broken horn removed. She now has wonky head gear. 

Suze fell in love with the wrong guy in the Autumn of 2019 - even though she was promised to another. The romance resulted in young Cuthbert, her son, who was born in February. Susan has an addiction to online conspiracy forums and is deeply committed to teaching anyone who will listen about the dangers of 5G(oat).

What to expect from Suze:

- Free loving hipster vibes

- On fleek shiny coat

- A deep desire to educate about the perils of 5Goat.

- Subtle facial twitching

Cuthbert

Young Cuthbert is the Son of Shakin' Susan. A naturally inquisitive fellow, Cuthbert likes to talk space exploration and what goat farming might look like on Mars.

What to expect from Cuthbert:

- Excellent goat Sci Fi knowledge

- An interest in all things space travel

- Camera head butting

Daisy

Oh Daisy. What can we say? This is the goat that was banned from participating in goat yoga due to head butting. She loves people but maybe too much. Daisy is pregnant, cranky and HATES her neighbours.

What to expect from Daisy:

- Rage and affection in equal measures

- Head butting

- An keen interest in the history of economics since the 1400's

- Massive lack of respect for social distancing

*Update: Daisy has now had her twins. She still hates her neighbours.

Win the chance to name one of our 6 goat kids! Only £1 a raffle ticket to enter!

Questions? message us

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Ok ok you got us - We're not actually funding a loo roll hoarding exercise! All profits from the Goat zoom call madness will be going towards paying for the purchase and installation of renewable technologies at the farm. The awkward, brutal side effect of COVID 19 is that it is having an amazing affect on the worlds climate due to reduced pollution levels. Imagine if the spell binding clear night skies of late and the sweet clean taste of the wind were the new normal - only we were allowed to play out in it. It is our hope that one day we will produce enough renewable energy here at the farm to sell the excess back to the grid. The more people with the ability to do this who install clean teach, the more financially viable it becomes for everyone. We hope you like our slightly off the wall Goat zoom idea and that it brings you a laugh during these strange times. Sending bear hugs, the Cronkshaw team x

P.S - We've now been asked by several folks if we are accepting donations towards our cause of installing renewable technologies here. We were asked this loads of times back in Autumn 2019 after our BBC documentary aired (if you didn't see it search 'Dots farm' on Amazon prime in a month or so as it will be on there) but it just felt so cheeky getting money for free without doing the work for it we didn't do it. We like to earn our own way.

Since then we've had numerous emails pointing out that lots of people REALLY want to do something about climate change and unlike us they don't have the space to install loads of solar panels or a wind turbine. By accepting donations we are allowing such folks to help us do something big to help tackle climate change when their circumstances won't allow for it. We had not seen it from this point of view before so (after much mental anguish!) we have put a donate button below, hidden at the bottom of this page out of the way hehe

 

All of the donations will go towards buying and installing renewable tech. We will be saving all your names and graffiti-ing them onto the panel edges and wind turbine once we have them.

OK - if you've read this far we feel you must really really want to donate so here is the button:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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only if you're sure though......

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We still find this emotionally challenging ok

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eeep!

yikes....

well this is it now.....

Ta da!